She had never felt so bad in her life as the times when he caused the angst inside her but nothing could make her stop loving him. Not in an americanised movie-way, but in the way that he was a part of her life that made the endless winter, the allergies of spring, the hot nights of summer and the angst of fall seem all overwhelmingly managable./your hands your arms your faith you missing me me missing you you missing me more you missing me so much that I get chills just thinking about them. YOUR FREAKING SMILE AND EYES THAT MAKES ME FALL INTO PIECES. /But it did not matter it made no difference more than the fact that even though you were on the other side of the oceans and completely unaware of it you still managed to break my heart / Maybe it has been over for such a long time that I have forgotten how it was before when it was more but still less/ this is what we have left honestly with the cards on the table; -I miss you, you know, even if I don´t act like it. -I miss you too, you know./ I think I have to erase you completely. /so I tried to shelter my eggshell-heart now that it was empty of it´s illusion and it made everything in my life harder more black and white less grey you always told me there was no gray-zone Life is more fact, less longing/ I did not get chills when you touched me like the way I used to get /even if you don´t crush me quite as much as you used to do when you don´t talk to me it breaks the little pieces of my heart that I have left for you /I have no need for you anymore, and its the third of december and I can say that it seems I kept my promise, I did not give my heart to anyone this year.  I reclaimed it, (after it being dragged in the gutters of your eyes.)/