And I never thought this life was possible;
Kategori: Hjärtekross.
36. When you love his sneezes more then anyone elses kisses;
I do not think that you had something to do with my love for you.
It sounds ridiculous to say, but it is in fact as close to the truth that I´ll ever get.
As time passed, my love for you and the actual human being that is you became more and more seperate things. My love for you was something unrational, without any basis to exist in reality.
It had been such a long time since I last saw you that the images my mind was obsessing on was maybe not even really pictures of you, but of someone I had created on my own, somehow, something that kept me in love, my DIY illusion. I realized that it was odd, it was not even logical.
I truly knew that when I met you again you would not be like the ideal of my teenage-aching mind. But somehow it did not matter. It did not even cross my mind that it would be some kind of problem to be in love with you for the rest of my days still realizing that I did not feel any real affection for you anymore.
I did not want a relationship with you, I did not want your love, your caress or anything at all.
I had made up my mind that I could not focus on anyone else than me right now and we both would agree that this was the right thing to do. We would.
I just wanted someone to keep my heart warm and full. Without your illusion, it would be empty and when my heart is empty I tend to dissapear a bit. It becomes fragile aswell, like an eggshell that breaks easily.
You protected it, without even being aware of it.
So I spent what seemed like an eternity watching you from the distance. And every time I would see you, you would break my heart. And I would let you. Because even though it would hurt so incredibly much to see your hands without mine wrapped around them, your lips without my lips nailed together, it would hurt one billion times more to let you go.
Because what are you left with if not hope?
If not that sometime in the future when we would be wiser and greater and better versions of ourselves and not self-destructive teenagers with their hearts in their throughts we could work things out for real and then I would have you for eternities to spare.
I didn´t thought that would happen though, but it saved my heart to keep that illusion at least for a while.
It sounds ridiculous to say, but it is in fact as close to the truth that I´ll ever get.
As time passed, my love for you and the actual human being that is you became more and more seperate things. My love for you was something unrational, without any basis to exist in reality.
It had been such a long time since I last saw you that the images my mind was obsessing on was maybe not even really pictures of you, but of someone I had created on my own, somehow, something that kept me in love, my DIY illusion. I realized that it was odd, it was not even logical.
I truly knew that when I met you again you would not be like the ideal of my teenage-aching mind. But somehow it did not matter. It did not even cross my mind that it would be some kind of problem to be in love with you for the rest of my days still realizing that I did not feel any real affection for you anymore.
I did not want a relationship with you, I did not want your love, your caress or anything at all.
I had made up my mind that I could not focus on anyone else than me right now and we both would agree that this was the right thing to do. We would.
I just wanted someone to keep my heart warm and full. Without your illusion, it would be empty and when my heart is empty I tend to dissapear a bit. It becomes fragile aswell, like an eggshell that breaks easily.
You protected it, without even being aware of it.
So I spent what seemed like an eternity watching you from the distance. And every time I would see you, you would break my heart. And I would let you. Because even though it would hurt so incredibly much to see your hands without mine wrapped around them, your lips without my lips nailed together, it would hurt one billion times more to let you go.
Because what are you left with if not hope?
If not that sometime in the future when we would be wiser and greater and better versions of ourselves and not self-destructive teenagers with their hearts in their throughts we could work things out for real and then I would have you for eternities to spare.
I didn´t thought that would happen though, but it saved my heart to keep that illusion at least for a while.
